Paul on the gift of singleness
Before you read, I borrowed some notes from Dr. Constable's Soniclight.com for help with the exegesis. See them in the footnotes.
“What if I have the gift of singleness?” Terror erupts from young people as this realization sweeps over them. This might be the most emotionally driven statement that causes panic in young men and women. They might as well have said, “What if I have AIDS?” Let me ease some of the dramatics with a simple statement. If God has called you to be single. You will know it. If you are terrified of doing something that is not in your born again nature to do, then God probably isn’t calling you to it. The gift of singleness isn’t like the gift of evangelism that many claim not to have. I always find that hilarious. You’d think most of us would want to share the fact that we were redeemed from the pit and eternal separation from God and have been welcomed into a loving relationship with their creator God who now becomes their Father through the belief in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. And oh by the way, the fact you believe that is a gift as well, so you can’t even boast about it, you just accept it. But for some reason instead of bragging on God and sharing the incredible hope that they have they just claim they are not called to it.
Christ saved us to do good works. What becomes difficult is that we don’t want to do them. We don’t look at evangelism as a “get to,” it somehow became a “have to” or more likely “I should’ve.” When it comes to singleness, we have people so unbelievably terrified they might end up single that they make relationships an idol.
There are things that you are called to and you want to do those things, because God laid it on your heart. For those who accept the calling of singleness, there is a relief they no longer have to look for a spouse. Married life doesn’t hold the same appeal for them as it does the typical single.
I know a lot of you aren’t convinced by this, but let’s see what scripture says. Paul the advocate for the gift of singleness had a lot to say about marriage and the gift of singleness. Let’s hone in on what he actually said and make clear what he didn’t say. The main passage that Paul speaks on when it comes to the married life versus the single life is 1 Corinthians 7.
Before we go on, we must make one thing clear. There were two kinds of people in Corinth. There were those that were super prude who thought any sensual indulgence was evil and there were those that were having sex with their dad’s wife. Paul had really hammered the sensual people in chapters 2-6. Among the super-prude, there were some who thought that a married man shouldn’t have sex with his wife. That is who Paul took aim at here. So in this particular case, Paul is quoting the statement back to them that they referenced in a letter written to Paul concerning questions they had about practical matters of their faith. It wasn’t Paul agreeing with the statement. Some translations say:
1 Corinthians 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. (1Co 7:1 NIV)
I grew up on the NIV and for the most part it’s pretty trust worthy, but here I think the translators botched it. Let’s look at how the other well-known translations handle this verse.
1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. (1Co 7:1 NAS)
NLT 1 Corinthians 7:1 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. (1Co 7:1 NLT) I’m not a fan of this version, because no where does Paul say Yes, I agree, but rather restates the slogan.
MIT 1 Corinthians 7:1 Now let me deal with the issues you mentioned in writing to me. It is good for a man not to touch a woman sensually. (1Co 7:1 MIT)
BGT 1 Corinthians 7:1 Περὶ δὲ ὧν ἐγράψατε, καλὸν ἀνθρώπῳ γυναικὸς μὴ ἅπτεσθαι· (1Co 7:1 BGT)
So here is a literal translation. I know this might seem like a bit much, but when you have five respected translations saying different things, it might be wise to walk through each word.
Περὶ (concerning, about, around) δὲ (but, now) ὧν (which, that) ἐγράψατε (you all wrote),: A direct translation of this phrase: Now, about what you wrote,
Here Paul is setting up to directly answer questions that the Corinthians had sent Paul in their own letter. Paul will now address what it was that they had a question about in the following phrase.
καλὸν (good) ἀνθρώπῳ (man) γυναικὸς (wife, woman—it’s used for both) μὴ (no) ἅπτεσθαι (to touch) : A direct translation of this phrase is: It is good for man (like men in general) not to touch a woman. Here Paul is addressing a common saying that contained a euphemism. So it would look like this, “It’s good for a man (married or unmarried) not to have sex with any woman (including his wife).
This puts a whole new spin on the phrase doesn’t it? The Corinthians wanted to know Paul’s take on a common slogan known to the Christian Corinthians and with which Paul was equally familiar.[1]
Look how this plays into context with the next verse. Every version says essentially the same thing.
1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (1Co 7:2 ESV)[2]
But this verse wouldn’t correspond at all if the statement Paul was addressing was, “Is it good for a man not to marry?” That is like you having a conversation with someone and them answering in double talk.
“So is it good for a man not to marry?”
“Yes, but because of sexual immorality he should marry.”
Paul really wanted everyone to be like him and thought everyone could do it. In fact he is going to try and convince as many as can be single to stay single. Paul wasn’t being asked if it was better for a man not to marry. He was being asked if men (married or unmarried) should not have sex. Paul’s response then makes sense. He says, “Yeah that’s a good saying for unmarried men, but let me correct it for the married dudes. A married man must have sex with his wife. A married woman must have sex with her husband otherwise there might be a temptation to look for that elsewhere. Even high school students know that once the sexual Pandora’s box has been opened only an act of God can close it again.
Verses 2-6 clarify Paul’s message to the married and verses 7-9 clarify for the unmarried.
7 I wish that everyone was as I am. But each has his own gift from God, one this way, another that.8 To the unmarried and widows I say that it is best for them to remain as I am. 9But if they do not have self-control, let them get married. For it is better to marry than to burn with sexual desire. (1Co 7:7-9NET)
Here is where Paul just gets plain practical. He is saying that it is better to marry than to have these urges which might cause you to sin. Marriage doesn’t free you from lust, but it sure doesn’t hurt. It also takes care of that needing to find a relationship issue. Sex twice a week is about all you really need. And the fact that I have sex whenever I want which averages out to about three to four times a week is more than enough. Here is the weird part. I’m not begging my wife for sex. Sex isn’t the ultimate thing like I once thought it was. I think I had made sex this like demi-god that once I got it, I would reach a new level of joy. But it’s not. It’s an important part of marriage, but it isn’t even close to the most important thing. For a guy I compare it to having ESPN Sportscenter. You love Sportscenter. You watch Sportscenter whenever it comes on, but you don’t think about it all day long. If you took a vacation, you could go a week without it (if you’re healthy). I know there are some sports nuts out there that would disagree and then I would say, you have an unhealthy addiction to it.
I know that sounds ridiculous. I know it does. When you are unmarried and some of you men are masturbating sometimes twice a night and the thought that you won’t crave sex like a wild man once you are married seems absurd. So as one who made my wife put down in writing that we would have sex at least once a day, I can tell you, it’s not that big of a deal and twice a week is great. That might be TMI, but no one ever told me that. And then maybe if they did, I wouldn’t have believed them, because they didn’t know my libido.
Since we are being honest here, let me address what I know some of you are doing. You are having sex or pushing the limits physically, because you know you are going to get married anyway. I’m not sure how to delicately put this, so I’ll just shoot you straight. You are heading for disaster. The only reason that what you are doing physically now is so stimulating is because you know you shouldn’t be doing it. Right? I mean c’mon. Again, let me take you to reality. You and your boyfriend or girlfriend want to please God and so you try to keep your hands off each other—until it gets to be 2am. Then your mind goes on vacation and you end up “going too far.” Then once you have gone that far, you create a new boundary and then convince yourself that you’re doing great, because at least you didn’t go all the way.
So let me break it down for you. Get married or break up. Men, if you are not ready to get married, you are still a boy and need to break up. There is no condemnation here. If you are not ready to provide for a wife, then you shouldn’t be enjoying what God created solely for marriage. A price will be paid. It’s only a matter of time before you reap what you have sown. If you are ready, then you need to throw down a proposal. Again, I know this is harsh, but if she is hot enough to touch sensually, then she is hot enough to marry. If she is non-psycho enough to touch sensually, then she is non-psycho enough to marry. If she is mature enough to touch sensually, she is mature enough to marry. Am I getting through here? Your excuses about how messed up your girlfriend is—is lame. Now, if you are able to date her and not cross the boundaries physically then continue on figuring out one another. Once you cross the physical line, you find yourself in a weird dilemma which will make you date for like five years, because you are never sure.
Ladies, you really only get one choice on this one when you cross physical boundaries. You could pull a Ruth (we’ll discuss that in a later chapter) or you can break off the relationship.
Some of you are going to say, “What if we only messed up once? Do we need to break it off? Ask the Holy Spirit on that one. Get other believers involved. I just find it strange that you can share the most intimate things with one another emotionally and physically, and then be like, “I don’t know.”
Remember, I get it. I did the same thing you did for years. I paid the price. It’s not worth it. That is a never ending cycle that produces nothing but heartache.
I’m going to pause on the exegesis for a moment to camp in this awkward spot. Some of you have made bold statements that you would die for Christ—even if that meant some remote mission field. Some of you have done some crazy bold stuff for Jesus, but on this particular issue, you have the spiritual stamina of wet bread. My ministry was hindered for years, because I dabbled in the in between. I could lead men in combat, but I struggled for so long with purity. I would do the same things you did and justify pushing boundaries, because I really felt that I would get married. Several relationships later I actually did.
I wonder what would have happened if I would have grown up sooner. How much further my ministry might have extended and how many friendships would still be in tact if I had been able to just make that decision to live for Christ—not just die for Him. God is sovereign and whatever I intended for evil, God can use for good. I believe that. I want you to believe that. I also want you to grow up and be a man.
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
All the way through verse 16 Paul answers directly the question about that particular saying about men not touching women sensually. He then transitioned to the main point. He doesn’t want people worried about who they are going to marry. He wants them to get ready for the Lord to return. They should stay in whatever situation God has called them and not look to change it. That is his point all the way through verse 24. I think that the most powerful verse in chapter seven is verse 21.
Were you called as a slave? Do not worry about it. But if indeed you are able to be free, make the most of the opportunity. (1Co 7:21 NET)
Paul wants the Corinthians to put their focus on heaven. He wants their focus on Christ and not on gaining freedom. He then brings common sense into the picture so that believers don’t just live a fatalistic life and don’t accept advancement in any way, because they don’t want to change status for the Lord. That is on the realm of ridiculous and Paul knows that and gives the go ahead to freedom. So if Paul gives the go ahead on freedom from slavery it is the same thing with marriage.
Finally Paul gets around to talking about those who are unmarried and want to be and aren’t called to be single.
25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
What is the “present crisis”? It was probably a combination of things. The Corinthian church was a mess with what was going on among its members. Paul also lived like Jesus was coming back imminently—as we have somehow forgotten to live. Paul lived in the “Last Days.” This would be the time when Jesus returned. We know that from what Jesus said about his return and what Paul wrote about in his letters to the Thessalonians that the last days would be difficult. If he had a family to support he would have left them widowed and orphaned when he was decapitated for his faith in Rome.
Although we too are in the last days, the Western Culture has not seen near the persecution that the early church has or those who are believers today in the Middle East or in South East Asia. I think that brings it into a more clear perspective for us. If a virgin was about to be chased, imprisoned, or killed for her faith, that might not be the best time to start a family.
That is what Paul had to face and he wanted to spare them this trouble. He didn’t want to spare them marital trouble—like getting into arguments. That is what sanctifies us. Trust me, I am a far better Christian now that I am married than when I was single. Marriage forces you to look at yourself in the mirror and grow up. You can’t simply remain immature when someone gets to see your stuff every day.
Paul further explained what he means about wanting to spare the married troubles in this life, because of the tribulations they face. I have heard this verse quoted by preachers for an easy laugh. They would quote “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” and joke that Paul knew how tough marriage would be and that is why he stayed single. That joke has been so over used that I started to believe it. But because it has been told so many times, people now assume that Paul didn’t want to have to deal with date night. Paul wanted to spare men and women from raising a family in such a harsh environment. He further explains this in verses 29-35
29 What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. 32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
Paul wanted to encourage those to use their singleness for the purpose of the Lord. It was his personal opinion that one could serve God more if he were single, than if he was married. Getting arrested, traveling all over the Roman world are just about as anti-family as one can imagine. Even today with all of the superior modes of transportation and comforts, it is difficult for a family to be on the road and doing ministry. Add to that, persecution and no mini-van, problems start to rise up for the minister and his family.
But Paul didn’t want to guilt trip anyone about getting married. Those who married during those difficult times were clearly not sinning.
36 If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing.
Paul concludes his thoughts on virgins marrying by saying another thing that without context can be very confusing.
38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.
I know I have repeated this, but this verse has caused several young people to freak out and wonder if they are really supposed to be single. Paul wanted those facing persecution to have a one focus mind. Serve the Lord. Jesus doesn’t even know the hour of His return. Paul didn’t know when Jesus would return. We don’t know when Jesus will return, but we ought to live as though he may at any time. Because of the freedoms that the US still has, we don’t have to worry about the same persecution that Christians in the early church or Christians today have around the world. For a Christian today to live like he is in the last days would mean to live a life devoted to the Lord, raising up his family in the Lord, sharing the gospel with friends and always seeking to expand his circle of influence.
39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40 In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
Paul then explains how long that married people are bound to each other: until death. Then Paul makes an observation that I don’t completely understand. He makes a case for her happiness in that she won’t have invested herself into a husband who may be hunted down and killed for believing the crazy notion that Jesus died and rose again. Interestingly enough here is one of the few times that Paul wants the person to choose whatever feels best. It seems anti-Christian almost doesn’t it? In our Christian piety we have been taught that we must live our lives based on obedience and not on feeling, but here Paul wants the woman to choose singleness based on her ability to be happy. Granted the word for happy here is also blessed. So you could read it, “In my judgment, she is more blessed if she stays as she is…” but it is a judgment call by Paul and not a conditional response based on her choice.
This translates today that if you feel you would be happier or blessed being married—do it. If you feel that you would be happier or more blessed being single—do it. In my opinion you will be happier if you are married and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
Conclusion:
Don’t fear the “gift” of singleness. If you have it, you will know it, and you will want it. In all probability if you are dreading singleness like contracting a fatal disease then you probably don’t have it, and God is not calling you to it. That doesn’t mean if you are called to singleness there won’t be periods of loneliness, just like for married people, there are seasons of “Did I marry the anti-Christ?” I’m not preaching prosperity Gospel here, so don’t hear me wrong. God allows you to be happy. In fact, God rejoices over your marriage and is excited about your sex life. Just read Song of Solomon. For single people feeling terrified, you may have to cling to 1 Corinthians 10:13. Or you may just trust in your Heavenly Father and enjoy Him and then ultimately you will have the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).
[1] "It is good for a man not to touch a woman," a euphemism for sexual relations. This idiom occurs ten times in Greek literature, and all of the references except one appear to refer to sexual relations (cf., e.g., Josephus, Ant. 1.8.1 [1.163]; Gen 20:6 [LXX]; Prov 6:29 [LXX]). For discussion see G. D. Fee, First Corinthians (NICNT), 275. Many recent interpreters believe that here again (as in 6:12–13) Paul cites a slogan the Corinthians apparently used to justify their actions. If this is so, Paul agrees with the slogan in part, but corrects it in the following verses to show how the Corinthians misused the idea to justify abstinence within marriage (cf. 8:1, 4; 10:23). See also G. D. Fee, "1 Corinthians 7:1 in the NIV," JETS 23 (1980): 307-14.
[2] 1 Corinthians 7:2 Yet because of the possibility of sexual sin, let each man have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. (1Co 7:2 MIT)
1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. (1Co 7:2 NAS)
1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of immoralities, each man should have relations with his own wife and each woman with her own husband. (1Co 7:2 NET)
1 Corinthians 7:2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
(1Co 7:2 NIV)
Great Read Chris!
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