Excerpt from New Book: Dance Lessons:

Submission in Ephesians 5

If you are still convinced that you want to get married, then let’s continue on to what relationships look like with a husband and a wife. Ephesians 5:22-33 is a fantastic place to start. Paul did a masterful job of describing a man’s relationship to his wife and a woman’s relationship to her husband while at the same time speaking of the mystery of Christ and the church. Earlier in Ephesians 5 Paul listed out how we are to live:

Be Imitators of God

Live like Christ

Don’t participate in sexual immorality

Don’t joke about sexual immorality

Don’t be involved in any immorality

Bring darkness to light and seek to be like Christ

Be filled with the Spirit by:

Addressing one another with awesome songs

Giving Thanks to God

Submitting to one another out of the fear of the Lord.

Paul lists out how we are to live. Then he turns the corner and talks further about being filled with the Spirit. Having uplifting conversations with one another and giving thanks to God didn’t require much explanation. Submission did. Amazing how nothing has changed in 2000 years.

Paul brings to light three different relationships which show submission and a fear of the Lord. He brings out wives and husbands, parents and children, and slaves and masters. The latter two are in chapter 6 which we always assumed was the armor of God chapter and we skipped over verses 1-9 to get to the good stuff. Admit it, you’ve done that. Especially about slaves, because you didn’t think that it applied. But reality is some of you are working harder than a slave putting in 70-80 hour weeks.

These are clear relationships where submission to the one person is like submission to the Lord. The welfare of the submitter is then put into the hands of the one that is in control, much like the Lord who is in control of our lives ultimately. Some people try to say that the word submit doesn’t really mean submit. The word submit comes from the Greek word,  Ὑποτασσόμενοι which means to subject oneself to another. It was a military term talking about to voluntarily subject oneself to another. That is what happens in the military. When you sign up, you subject yourself to a system that has structure.

Now in Greek, you can borrow a verb from the previous sentence and infer it into the following sentence. We do it in English sometimes, but here is how it looks word for word.

Verse 21 Ὑποτασσόμενοι (submitting to) ἀλλήλοις (one another) ἐν (in) φόβῳ (fear/reverence) Χριστοῦ (to Christ),

Verse 22 αἱ (the) γυναῖκες (wives) τοῖς (the) ἰδίοις (one’s own) ἀνδράσιν (husband) ὡς (as) τῷ (the) κυρίῳ (Lord)

A lot of us grew up reading a Bible that divided verse 21 from verse 22. But in reality they aren’t. Verse 21 sets up the submission piece as how to live in the Spirit. You will have three ways to do this. With your spouse, with your parents/kids, and with your boss/subordinates. Those three relationships everyone will have to deal with. Wives, children, and slaves were to obey their respective God ordained leader as obeying Jesus himself. The thought of obeying anyone other than Jesus like they were Jesus is kind of ridiculous. But that shows faith. To put faith in Christ that obeying a person who may mistreat you is evidence of faith lived out. A reliance on the Lord is being truly expressed. When we look out for our own welfare, the Lord is taken out of the picture.

In verses 22-24, Paul talks to the wives.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Not much wiggle room here for those that want to take “obey” out of their vows. These verses make a lot of women nervous, but the reality is that these verses should make men nervous. Think about how much responsibility a man has to lead his wife well. Her role is to submit to his authority and be his helpmate. The success and failure of this dance is all on the man. She follows his lead.

Many scholars have argued that Paul here doesn’t really mean “everything.” They note that Sapphiaras should not have sinned with her husband Annanais and her death proved that. However, when we start to say that wives should only obey their husbands when they are godly, how will they ever know when they are to obey. You might as well command women to obey their husbands except when they are PMSing because, well, no woman can be held accountable for that.

What if a woman marries an abusive husband that beats his wife to a pulp. In the US alone, this happens a lot. The woman marries a man and then finds herself a victim. Many times the man’s issues could have been seen before marriage, but the emotion swept them away and then the wife wakes up one day with a black eye and pounding headache wondering who exactly it was that she married.

The hypothetical lists that can be created are endless and for many women they aren’t hypothetical. Every now and then a husband gets beat by his wife. No, I’m not kidding, I’ve counseled that couple as well. So how do we handle it when a woman is getting persecuted by her own husband. How do we handle it when her husband is sinning against her? The Bible actually does get into this. In Matthew 5, the beatitudes describe how the woman is to react to her enemy. Matthew 18 describes how to handle a believer who is sinning against another believe. The community of believers, the church, is that woman’s protector in the case of an abusive relationship. That is why it is so important for couples to live in community. So if a husband sins against the wife, she brings his sin to him and if he repents then she forgives him. If he doesn’t repent then she brings in one or two others from her church, and if he still doesn’t repent, she takes him before the church. And if he still doesn’t repent, then he is treated like an unbeliever and the husband and wife stay separated until the church sees genuine repentance. That is how that is handled.

I only went into that because sometimes people are so worried about draconian men who are going to use the Bible to get the woman to submit. The great thing about using the Bible to get the wife to submit is that the same Bible can be used for the man to submit to his pastor in separating him from his wife for a while for him to treat his wife appropriately. Paul wasn’t naïve when he wrote this. He had scripture before him and the process for handling sin wasn’t vague, because people lived in community and the mega church wasn’t quite around. Don’t get me wrong, I love the mega church and am a member of one. But when you go to church to hear a sermon, but don’t get involved in a smaller group of people who know your dirty laundry then what you have is a rock concert with an uplifting message. That isn’t church. I know that might rub people the wrong way, but we all agree that the church isn’t a building, so let’s settle the issue that church isn’t a worship service.

Notice that Paul doesn’t give her anything else to do and limits his challenge to the woman to do one thing: Submit like the church submits to Jesus.

Paul turns his attention to husbands in verses 25-30.

We will continue on that thought on the next blog.

Excerpt from Is Love Wrong?: Chapter 30: Joel

order Is Love Wrong? at www.islovewrong.com

Chapter 30: Joel

Don felt a surge of excitement as he pulled into the Dallas Seminary parking lot. There was almost a giddy feeling that Don received when he hugged the straight guys. He looked forward to Type A taking him into the library where the smell of the books just hovered in his nose making him want to learn. Type A pulled in just as Don put his jeep in park. Don smiled as he glanced at his human rights equal sign—there wouldn’t be any more of those in the parking lot.

Type A smiled his toothy grin and gave Don the nod to follow him into the library. Don felt that he had gotten close to Chris especially after getting to meet Zoe. A beautiful blonde that Chris saturated his love toward. Don had never seen Chris be close to a woman before and was surprised at the amount of tenderness he showed her.

Type A slapped Don’s shoulder and they walked inside the double doors to the Turpin Library. Chris would check out close to 15 commentaries every Monday night on the book of Matthew. Don couldn’t help giggling as he saw “Lurch” the librarian he nicknamed for his vibrant personality and demeanor. Don thought he would be better working at the morgue, but then the library fit too.

Don followed Chris into the stairwell. Type A never took the elevator, which Don didn’t mind, because it gave him an opportunity to peruse the lost and found pile. He always loved to put on the hats and scarves and be silly. There was something exhilarating in being rebellious in the library, but it was innocent enough that Type A could do nothing but roll his eyes.

Don put the “free stuff” back on the table and followed Chris up to the second floor stacks where the commentaries were. It seemed that Chris knew exactly where to go and which commentaries were good and which ones weren’t. Don smiled as Chris handed him a MacArthur commentary and then grimaced as Type A didn’t stop putting books in his arms. Chris grabbed two commentaries and Don carried the rest down the stairwell and then over to the check-out counter.

Don’s smile could not have been any broader or creepier as he watched “Lurch” try as hard as he could to ignore him. Lurched stamped the books methodically and then handed them to Chris without looking who in turn put them in Don’s hands. Don was sure that “Lurch” was not a winner. There wasn’t a strand of fun behind the wire rimmed glasses and the pursed lips that prevented personality from escaping.

“Did he get a lobotomy?” Don asked Chris.

“He can hear you,” Chris said under his breath.

“Can he?” Don whispered back. “I don’t think he can, he is in another dimension.”

Lurch handed the final book to Chris and Chris thanked him graciously and then led Don out of the library.

“You’re ridiculous, Don,” Chris chided.

“What I’m just trying to get him to mumble or speak or show an emotion—what’s wrong with that.”

“It’s never a dull moment with you,” Chris said.

Don smiled at that. He didn’t like dull moments and ever since his encounter with real Christians—there hadn’t been.

“Chris, I really enjoyed meeting Zoe. She is just gorgeous. Probably too pretty for you.”

“Thanks, Don.”

“I can tell that you really love her and are committed to her. You know I may be a gay man, but I do know something about being in relationships if you ever need to talk.”

Chris looked at Don for a moment and then smiled, “Thanks Don.”

Don followed Chris into the President’s room put down the books and then went to see Emily to get some coffee. She was always good about smiling and talking and hadn’t been lobotomized—yet. After grabbing his black coffee he walked back into the President’s room and was greeted by a large man with huge hands. Don gawked at the specimen for a moment and tried to not say anything offensive.

“Hi, I’m Don. Are you a Christian?”

The large man looked down at Don and enveloped Don’s hand in his. He looked him up and down and said, “I’m Joel and yes I am.” His voice was so soft that Don strained to hear it. 

The rest of the men filed in and Chris led the group, but Don fixated on Joel. He noticed that Joel didn’t say much and that he just looked at all the other men with suspicion.

Don was excited to input his observations and interpretations. He had never studied anything so hard in his life. He excitedly looked in his commentaries for answers to his questions and to others questions as the night progressed. So much information.

When prayer requests came, Don reiterated his need for a new place and that his store could move to and that the city would approve their zoning and requests. After adding his prayer request to the excel spreadsheet, Don waited for Joel to speak.

“I’m having a hard time with trusting the church,” Joel started. “I feel dead inside.”

Don’s heart raced. Don felt a deep need to intervene. After the men prayed, Don walked over to Joel.

“Are you a Christian?” Don asked.

“Yes.” Joel replied annoyed.

“If you’re familiar with this Holy Spirit thing, this is it in action. It’s all new and overwhelming to me I don’t even like Christians and now I am one damn—ok, here goes,” Don could feel himself rambling and tried to reel in his talk to make a point. “I can see you’re searching—for what I don’t know or really care, it’s not my business. God has chosen you, you can’t fight him, well you can but it’s a waste of your time and his, he has more time, but you, you’re screwed and your life is ******, and there’s no easy way around this.”

Joel’s mouth opened for a moment, but no words escaped. Don could tell he had never been talked to this way, especially by a man a quarter of his size.

Don continued undeterred. “Once you’re chosen, it’s over man. You have a pathetic choice—believe he’s working in you or just keep going along with your stagnant, superficial life. I’m speaking from very recent experience. I know you have God already working in your life. I know people, you showed up here for a reason.”

Joel’s face tightened and he narrowed his eyes at Don. Don continued with audacity, “Don’t fight it, it’s not a fight you can win, fight something else—but god**** just let God do what he wants to do in your life, it’s ok to let go, just pray. Hell, I even learned to pray, I’m new at this, obviously.”

Joel looked like he might say something, but Don pressed on, “This Holy Spirit is so real. For me to say something like this is—is beyond reality. You’re more advanced spiritually than me, but you’re hurting and I’m sorry for that—it won’t get better if you fight.”

Don became even more animated and now drew attention to himself as he was now flat out preaching to Joel. Chris looked on in horror. “He’s got you! You can run, but you can’t hide!” Don pulled his voice back down and regained composure and then continued. “It’s easy man, just give the **** up and tell God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit you give up. I did and I’m not special in any way. I know I’m abrasive, I know you can tell me to go **** myself. I told the guy that who gave me this same talk. You can hate me, fine, I don’t care. I don’t like seeing a guy with integrity, potential and hell, who knows, maybe a friend, hurting and in agony when it’s not necessary. Hell don’t you get it? He died for you and me and that freaks me out big time and humbles me. I’m so ashamed of my past but when I converted, God deleted it. I see it but he doesn’t.”

Don took a breath and took a step back. Joel kept his poker face which made Don nervous. Don’s eyes sparkled with excitement as he waited for a moment for Joel to say something. It was then that he realized he may be on the brink of a volcanic eruption in this huge quiet man.

“I’m stopping,” Don said. “I don’t want to piss you off. It just seems like someone needs to jump all over your ass, and I have nothing to lose, you have everything to win, come on Joel, take this ride with me, and the other guys. It’s the coolest freakiest ride I’ve ever seen, but the opportunity to honor God is priceless.”

Joel mumbled a couple expletives and then walked past Don toward the door. Don watched him leave and then turned to find Chris already staring at him.

“What?” Don asked. “It worked when you did that to me. I just did what you did to me.”

“Remember Don,” Chris started. “You are rare. I handled you delicately in some ways and tough in others. One size doesn’t fit all in the realm of spirituality. You can’t just rely on how God got your attention to get the attention of others. I do love your heart. We just need to work on execution.”

“****.” Don said and followed Chris out the door.

order Is Love Wrong? at http://www.islovewrong.com/

Excerpt from New Book: Dance Lessons: Learning the basic steps of relationships

 

Paul on the gift of singleness

 

Before you read, I borrowed some notes from Dr. Constable's Soniclight.com for help with the exegesis. See them in the footnotes.

“What if I have the gift of singleness?” Terror erupts from young people as this realization sweeps over them. This might be the most emotionally driven statement that causes panic in young men and women. They might as well have said, “What if I have AIDS?” Let me ease some of the dramatics with a simple statement. If God has called you to be single. You will know it. If you are terrified of doing something that is not in your born again nature to do, then God probably isn’t calling you to it. The gift of singleness isn’t like the gift of evangelism that many claim not to have. I always find that hilarious. You’d think most of us would want to share the fact that we were redeemed from the pit and eternal separation from God and have been welcomed into a loving relationship with their creator God who now becomes their Father through the belief in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. And oh by the way, the fact you believe that is a gift as well, so you can’t even boast about it, you just accept it. But for some reason instead of bragging on God and sharing the incredible hope that they have they just claim they are not called to it.

Christ saved us to do good works. What becomes difficult is that we don’t want to do them. We don’t look at evangelism as a “get to,” it somehow became a “have to” or more likely “I should’ve.” When it comes to singleness, we have people so unbelievably terrified they might end up single that they make relationships an idol.

 There are things that you are called to and you want to do those things, because God laid it on your heart. For those who accept the calling of singleness, there is a relief they no longer have to look for a spouse. Married life doesn’t hold the same appeal for them as it does the typical single.

I know a lot of you aren’t convinced by this, but let’s see what scripture says. Paul the advocate for the gift of singleness had a lot to say about marriage and the gift of singleness. Let’s hone in on what he actually said and make clear what he didn’t say.  The main passage that Paul speaks on when it comes to the married life versus the single life is 1 Corinthians 7.

Before we go on, we must make one thing clear. There were two kinds of people in Corinth. There were those that were super prude who thought any sensual indulgence was evil and there were those that were having sex with their dad’s wife. Paul had really hammered the sensual people in chapters 2-6. Among the super-prude, there were some who thought that a married man shouldn’t have sex with his wife. That is who Paul took aim at here. So in this particular case, Paul is quoting the statement back to them that they referenced in a letter written to Paul concerning questions they had about practical matters of their faith. It wasn’t Paul agreeing with the statement. Some translations say:

1 Corinthians 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. (1Co 7:1 NIV)

I grew up on the NIV and for the most part it’s pretty trust worthy, but here I think the translators botched it. Let’s look at how the other well-known translations handle this verse.

1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. (1Co 7:1 NAS)

^NLT  1 Corinthians 7:1 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. (1Co 7:1 NLT) I’m not a fan of this version, because no where does Paul say Yes, I agree, but rather restates the slogan.

^MIT  1 Corinthians 7:1 Now let me deal with the issues you mentioned in writing to me. It is good for a man not to touch a woman sensually. (1Co 7:1 MIT)

^BGT  1 Corinthians 7:1 Περὶ δὲ ὧν ἐγράψατε, καλὸν ἀνθρώπῳ γυναικὸς μὴ ἅπτεσθαι· (1Co 7:1 BGT)

So here is a literal translation. I know this might seem like a bit much, but when you have five respected translations saying different things, it might be wise to walk through each word.

Περὶ (concerning, about, around)  δὲ (but, now)  ὧν (which, that)  ἐγράψατε (you all wrote),: A direct translation of this phrase: Now, about what you wrote,

Here Paul is setting up to directly answer questions that the Corinthians had sent Paul in their own letter. Paul will now address what it was that they had a question about in the following phrase.

καλὸν (good) ἀνθρώπῳ (man) γυναικὸς (wife, woman—it’s used for both) μὴ (no)  ἅπτεσθαι (to touch) : A direct translation of this phrase is: It is good for man (like men in general) not to touch a woman. Here Paul is addressing a common saying that contained a euphemism. So it would look like this, “It’s good for a man (married or unmarried) not to have sex with any woman (including his wife).

This puts a whole new spin on the phrase doesn’t it? The Corinthians wanted to know Paul’s take on a common slogan known to the Christian Corinthians and with which Paul was equally familiar.[1]

Look how this plays into context with the next verse. Every version says essentially the same thing.

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (1Co 7:2 ESV)[2]

But this verse wouldn’t correspond at all if the statement Paul was addressing was, “Is it good for a man not to marry?” That is like you having a conversation with someone and them answering in double talk.

“So is it good for a man not to marry?”

“Yes, but because of sexual immorality he should marry.”

Paul really wanted everyone to be like him and thought everyone could do it. In fact he is going to try and convince as many as can be single to stay single. Paul wasn’t being asked if it was better for a man not to marry. He was being asked if men (married or unmarried) should not have sex. Paul’s response then makes sense. He says, “Yeah that’s a good saying for unmarried men, but let me correct it for the married dudes. A married man must have sex with his wife. A married woman must have sex with her husband otherwise there might be a temptation to look for that elsewhere. Even high school students know that once the sexual Pandora’s box has been opened only an act of God can close it again.

Verses 2-6 clarify Paul’s message to the married and verses 7-9 clarify for the unmarried.

⁷ I wish that everyone was as I am. But each has his own gift from God, one this way, another that.⁸ To the unmarried and widows I say that it is best for them to remain as I am. ⁹But if they do not have self-control, let them get married. For it is better to marry than to burn with sexual desire. (1Co 7:7-9NET)

Here is where Paul just gets plain practical. He is saying that it is better to marry than to have these urges which might cause you to sin. Marriage doesn’t free you from lust, but it sure doesn’t hurt. It also takes care of that needing to find a relationship issue. Sex twice a week is about all you really need. And the fact that I have sex whenever I want which averages out to about three to four times a week is more than enough. Here is the weird part. I’m not begging my wife for sex. Sex isn’t the ultimate thing like I once thought it was. I think I had made sex this like demi-god that once I got it, I would reach a new level of joy. But it’s not. It’s an important part of marriage, but it isn’t even close to the most important thing. For a guy I compare it to having ESPN Sportscenter. You love Sportscenter. You watch Sportscenter whenever it comes on, but you don’t think about it all day long. If you took a vacation, you could go a week without it (if you’re healthy). I know there are some sports nuts out there that would disagree and then I would say, you have an unhealthy addiction to it.

 I know that sounds ridiculous. I know it does. When you are unmarried and some of you men are masturbating sometimes twice a night and the thought that you won’t crave sex like a wild man once you are married seems absurd. So as one who made my wife put down in writing that we would have sex at least once a day, I can tell you, it’s not that big of a deal and twice a week is great. That might be TMI, but no one ever told me that. And then maybe if they did, I wouldn’t have believed them, because they didn’t know my libido.

Since we are being honest here, let me address what I know some of you are doing. You are having sex or pushing the limits physically, because you know you are going to get married anyway. I’m not sure how to delicately put this, so I’ll just shoot you straight. You are heading for disaster. The only reason that what you are doing physically now is so stimulating is because you know you shouldn’t be doing it. Right? I mean c’mon. Again, let me take you to reality. You and your boyfriend or girlfriend want to please God and so you try to keep your hands off each other—until it gets to be 2am. Then your mind goes on vacation and you end up “going too far.” Then once you have gone that far, you create a new boundary and then convince yourself that you’re doing great, because at least you didn’t go all the way.

So let me break it down for you. Get married or break up. Men, if you are not ready to get married, you are still a boy and need to break up. There is no condemnation here. If you are not ready to provide for a wife, then you shouldn’t be enjoying what God created solely for marriage.  A price will be paid. It’s only a matter of time before you reap what you have sown. If you are ready, then you need to throw down a proposal. Again, I know this is harsh, but if she is hot enough to touch sensually, then she is hot enough to marry. If she is non-psycho enough to touch sensually, then she is non-psycho enough to marry. If she is mature enough to touch sensually, she is mature enough to marry. Am I getting through here? Your excuses about how messed up your girlfriend is—is lame. Now, if you are able to date her and not cross the boundaries physically then continue on figuring out one another. Once you cross the physical line, you find yourself in a weird dilemma which will make you date for like five years, because you are never sure.

Ladies, you really only get one choice on this one when you cross physical boundaries. You could pull a Ruth (we’ll discuss that in a later chapter) or you can break off the relationship.

Some of you are going to say, “What if we only messed up once? Do we need to break it off? Ask the Holy Spirit on that one. Get other believers involved. I just find it strange that you can share the most intimate things with one another emotionally and physically, and then be like, “I don’t know.”

Remember, I get it. I did the same thing you did for years. I paid the price. It’s not worth it. That is a never ending cycle that produces nothing but heartache.

I’m going to pause on the exegesis for a moment to camp in this awkward spot. Some of you have made bold statements that you would die for Christ—even if that meant some remote mission field. Some of you have done some crazy bold stuff for Jesus, but on this particular issue, you have the spiritual stamina of wet bread. My ministry was hindered for years, because I dabbled in the in between. I could lead men in combat, but I struggled for so long with purity. I would do the same things you did and justify pushing boundaries, because I really felt that I would get married. Several relationships later I actually did.

I wonder what would have happened if I would have grown up sooner. How much further my ministry might have extended and how many friendships would still be in tact if I had been able to just make that decision to live for Christ—not just die for Him. God is sovereign and whatever I intended for evil, God can use for good. I believe that. I want you to believe that. I also want you to grow up and be a man.

 ¹⁰ To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. ¹¹ But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

All the way through verse 16 Paul answers directly the question about that particular saying about men not touching women sensually. He then transitioned to the main point. He doesn’t want people worried about who they are going to marry. He wants them to get ready for the Lord to return. They should stay in whatever situation God has called them and not look to change it. That is his point all the way through verse 24. I think that the most powerful verse in chapter seven is verse 21.

Were you called as a slave? Do not worry about it. But if indeed you are able to be free, make the most of the opportunity. (1Co 7:21 NET)

Paul wants the Corinthians to put their focus on heaven. He wants their focus on Christ and not on gaining freedom. He then brings common sense into the picture so that believers don’t just live a fatalistic life and don’t accept advancement in any way, because they don’t want to change status for the Lord. That is on the realm of ridiculous and Paul knows that and gives the go ahead to freedom. So if Paul gives the go ahead on freedom from slavery it is the same thing with marriage.

Finally Paul gets around to talking about those who are unmarried and want to be and aren’t called to be single.

 ²⁵ Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. ²⁶ Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. ²⁷ Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. ²⁸ But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

What is the “present crisis”? It was probably a combination of things. The Corinthian church was a mess with what was going on among its members. Paul also lived like Jesus was coming back imminently—as we have somehow forgotten to live. Paul lived in the “Last Days.” This would be the time when Jesus returned. We know that from what Jesus said about his return and what Paul wrote about in his letters to the Thessalonians that the last days would be difficult. If he had a family to support he would have left them widowed and orphaned when he was decapitated for his faith in Rome.

Although we too are in the last days, the Western Culture has not seen near the persecution that the early church has or those who are believers today in the Middle East or in South East Asia. I think that brings it into a more clear perspective for us. If a virgin was about to be chased, imprisoned, or killed for her faith, that might not be the best time to start a family.

That is what Paul had to face and he wanted to spare them this trouble. He didn’t want to spare them marital trouble—like getting into arguments. That is what sanctifies us. Trust me, I am a far better Christian now that I am married than when I was single. Marriage forces you to look at yourself in the mirror and grow up. You can’t simply remain immature when someone gets to see your stuff every day.

Paul further explained what he means about wanting to spare the married troubles in this life, because of the tribulations they face. I have heard this verse quoted by preachers for an easy laugh. They would quote “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” and joke that Paul knew how tough marriage would be and that is why he stayed single. That joke has been so over used that I started to believe it. But because it has been told so many times, people now assume that Paul didn’t want to have to deal with date night. Paul wanted to spare men and women from raising a family in such a harsh environment. He further explains this in verses 29-35

 ²⁹ What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; ³⁰ those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; ³¹ those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. ³² I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. ³³ But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— ³⁴ and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. ³⁵ I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

Paul wanted to encourage those to use their singleness for the purpose of the Lord. It was his personal opinion that one could serve God more if he were single, than if he was married. Getting arrested, traveling all over the Roman world are just about as anti-family as one can imagine. Even today with all of the superior modes of transportation and comforts, it is difficult for a family to be on the road and doing ministry. Add to that, persecution and no mini-van, problems start to rise up for the minister and his family.

But Paul didn’t want to guilt trip anyone about getting married. Those who married during those difficult times were clearly not sinning.

 ³⁶ If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. ³⁷ But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing.

Paul concludes his thoughts on virgins marrying by saying another thing that without context can be very confusing.

³⁸ So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.

I know I have repeated this, but this verse has caused several young people to freak out and wonder if they are really supposed to be single.  Paul wanted those facing persecution to have a one focus mind. Serve the Lord. Jesus doesn’t even know the hour of His return. Paul didn’t know when Jesus would return. We don’t know when Jesus will return, but we ought to live as though he may at any time. Because of the freedoms that the US still has, we don’t have to worry about the same persecution that Christians in the early church or Christians today have around the world. For a Christian today to live like he is in the last days would mean to live a life devoted to the Lord, raising up his family in the Lord, sharing the gospel with friends and always seeking to expand his circle of influence.

 ³⁹ A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. ⁴⁰ In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Paul then explains how long that married people are bound to each other: until death. Then Paul makes an observation that I don’t completely understand. He makes a case for her happiness in that she won’t have invested herself into a husband who may be hunted down and killed for believing the crazy notion that Jesus died and rose again.  Interestingly enough here is one of the few times that Paul wants the person to choose whatever feels best. It seems anti-Christian almost doesn’t it? In our Christian piety we have been taught that we must live our lives based on obedience and not on feeling, but here Paul wants the woman to choose singleness based on her ability to be happy. Granted the word for happy here is also blessed. So you could read it, “In my judgment, she is more blessed if she stays as she is…” but it is a judgment call by Paul and not a conditional response based on her choice.

This translates today that if you feel you would be happier or blessed being married—do it. If you feel that you would be happier or more blessed being single—do it. In my opinion you will be happier if you are married and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Conclusion:

Don’t fear the “gift” of singleness. If you have it, you will know it, and you will want it. In all probability if you are dreading singleness like contracting a fatal disease then you probably don’t have it, and God is not calling you to it. That doesn’t mean if you are called to singleness there won’t be periods of loneliness, just like for married people, there are seasons of “Did I marry the anti-Christ?” I’m not preaching prosperity Gospel here, so don’t hear me wrong. God allows you to be happy. In fact, God rejoices over your marriage and is excited about your sex life. Just read Song of Solomon. For single people feeling terrified, you may have to cling to 1 Corinthians 10:13. Or you may just trust in your Heavenly Father and enjoy Him and then ultimately you will have the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).

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[1] "It is good for a man not to touch a woman," a euphemism for sexual relations. This idiom occurs ten times in Greek literature, and all of the references except one appear to refer to sexual relations (cf., e.g., Josephus, Ant. 1.8.1 [1.163]; Gen 20:6 [LXX]; Prov 6:29 [LXX]). For discussion see G. D. Fee, First Corinthians (NICNT), 275. Many recent interpreters believe that here again (as in 6:12–13) Paul cites a slogan the Corinthians apparently used to justify their actions. If this is so, Paul agrees with the slogan in part, but corrects it in the following verses to show how the Corinthians misused the idea to justify abstinence within marriage (cf. 8:1, 4; 10:23). See also G. D. Fee, "1 Corinthians 7:1 in the NIV," JETS 23 (1980): 307-14.

[2] 1 Corinthians 7:2 Yet because of the possibility of sexual sin, let each man have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. (1Co 7:2 MIT)

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. (1Co 7:2 NAS)

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of immoralities, each man should have relations with his own wife and each woman with her own husband. (1Co 7:2 NET)

1 Corinthians 7:2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

 (1Co 7:2 NIV)

Is it wrong to live together and not be married?

Here is a recent facebook message I received. Tell me what you think. Remember, she is a friend, so she will read it:
I need some help. Do you have any sermons or discussions on marriage and the bible? What is the Bible's description of marriage? Can you be "married" in God's eyes but not be legally married? I don't think God's idea of being married meant you have to file taxes together, buy a home together and share each others debt! If two people are committed to one another and intend on spending their lives together then wouldn't that be considered "married" in the eyes of God? Does someone have to sign a piece of paper and file taxes together for God to consider them married?

Were you meant to be single?

There Adam was in the garden--single. God said that he needed a helper. He wasn't complete. God brings Adam eve in his sleep.

Today, we have become so frustrated with the institution of marriage that many end sentences about being married, but God might call me to singleness.

A calling to singleness is rare. I have a calling to ministry and that is rare. God didn't come from the clouds one day and say Chris you are going to be a preacher. One day in the height of my success as an Army Officer going into the Special Forces, I felt God say in words louder than audible, "It's time." That meant time to go to seminary.

I wasn't sad about it. I was relieved and excited that I was now going to be able to go and pursue my dream of being a pastor. So now when it comes to singleness, you will know you were meant to be single when while walking in the Spirit the only thing you want to be is single.

Your thoughts?

Why are we single so late in life?

Americans are staying single longer and longer. Why? I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine and it confirmed for me why I was single until 34 and why he is still single and why many of my friends are single.

Here it is. We want the X factor. The X factor is the thing that you can't explain. When they are in the room you get the tingles and the chills. We want that. We have been taught by Hollywood that you have to fall in love and be swept off your feet. We have to wait for the one. "The One" might as well be Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy.

You know when I met the one...after I said I do and Pastor Tim Hawks announced to the world who my wife was.

Sure there were tingles and shivers when Adrienne and I started to get to know each other. But feelings will change. They are fickle. If you watch how many times Hollywood stars fall in and out of love you would think that their feelings were tied to meteorology reports from the weather channel.

So culturally we are indoctrinated with "the one"

More posts to come on this.

As Close as you choose to Be

As Close As You Choose To Be

Our fast paced world wants us to be relevant, wants us to be in touch. We want to answer every email, solve every problem, somehow delete the email we sent in haste off our boss’s computer before he gets to work in the morning or before he downloads it on his smartphone. And the sad thing is we are able to do it all. We are able to do three deals at once. We are able to make a board see the light and come around to the vision we’ve cast. We pull off the speech, the presentation, picked up the kids from practice sent three emails on the way home and put dinner on the table. We do it all and then we become impatient with the impotent fools who struggle. We sometimes snicker to ourselves or laugh openly at those mental midgets who have befallen our path. If they weren’t around, we could get a lot more done.

It’s then we start to realize the coldness of our hearts has saturated our soul and we feel far from God. No grave sin, per say, but a coolness that is painful to endure. We cover it up with a smile, a laugh, a backslap hug and a “let’s do lunch.” We know in our heads we could be closer to God, but where do we even start with how busy our schedule is. People need us. God gets put on the back burner.

There are a few out there that drink deeply of the cool waters of His Word to refresh the Soul. There are some who find a quiet place where we let the world drift away and all that matters is that we have this incredible connection with God and He takes those boulder worries off our shoulders like flicking off a flake of dandruff.

The reality is we submit to busyness. Busyness is our god. James speaks to us.

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

                                                                                    --James 4:8-10

No wonder you can’t defeat the anger. No wonder temptation defeats you. No wonder the devil’s been winning. You have been worshipping a god who cannot refill what you have poured out. You have once again been serving yourself under the guise of serving God and others. Come near to God and He will come near to you. You are as close to God as you choose to be.